Why Saying “Yes” to Family First is So Important

I am a big family person. I love my family and I love to spend time with them. I like to say “yes” to family. I like to choose my family first.

But, if I am honest, I wasn’t always like that. I did love my family, but I didn’t always say “yes” to my family. I would often said “yes” to ministry. And a lot of those times when I would say “yes” to ministry it resulted in a “no” to my family. And, at that time when a lot of that happened, it was when my children were very young.  As I reflect on that it does make me sad because I will never have that time back with my family. Back then, I choose ministry first.

So why should we say “yes” to family first?

• They are your legacy. I’ve been in full-time ministry for over 22 years at the point of this post. I have worked in 4 different Churches and 1 para-Church ministry over those years. While I do have a nice legacy at two of those places, the others don’t even know I worked there for a time. My family, though, will always be with me. The time I invest in them now and forever will be what is carried on the longest.
• You are modeling what is important. Whatever ministry position you serve in people are watching. They are watching how you live your life and how you respond to your family will be watched and they will do likewise with their own families. While being followers of Christ and going to Church are really important, neglecting your family for work is not healthy and it is not what you want to model. Showing others how to invest in your family can be so instrumental in the eyes of someone who is watching you.
• Your family won’t hate God for taking you away so much. Now, “hate” is a strong word, but I’ve seen it happen. When we say “yes” to ministry more than we say “yes” to family, we show our family that they are not as important as our job. And let’s be real, your family won’t see it as God’s work, they will see it as your work. Your children will see that you choose something else over them more than you choose them. And that can create a very dysfunctional situation and a very unhealthy view of God. One of which is that your family can come to view God and the Church as a bad thing rather than a good thing.

While I do view you need to have a family first mentality in ministry, I want to give a word of caution. It can be easy to over-do family first in your life. Not every family vs. ministry decision is black and white and you can’t neglect your ministry. You do have a job to do and you are being paid (whether you think it is enough or not is a different matter). Therefore, you do need to say “yes” to ministry and your position too.

What I am encouraging here is that you figure out the right balance between family and ministry. Too often ministers sacrifice their families for the “glory of the Lord”. I put glory of the Lord in parentheses because sometimes what we think is doing God’s work is more about us getting the glory for work we are doing in God’s name. Does that make sense? We say “yes” to ministry and “no” to family because we want the glory. We just so happen to attach God to it and think it justifies our action.

Choose the right balance for you but this I can tell you. When you choose family first you will have a far greater impact than you think. Not just for those watching you and being with you now, but for generations to come.

What do you think? How have you seen choosing family first positively impact your family and those around you? Share your thoughts and experiences below or on social media using #ymsidekick when you share. 

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