Is Opting out of Youth Ministry the right choice?
On August 2nd, Sarah Mae wrote a blog about how her family is opting out of Youth Ministry. You can read the post here. Frankly, I think it was very well written and I was impressed with her and her family’s decision to follow through on their convictions. If the Lord has laid it on their heart to opt out of youth ministry and focus on her family, raising them up according to what they believe is the biblical way, then who can argue with that? I hope and pray that the Lord blesses their family.
But reading this post made me think of the future of youth ministry and what we, as youth and children ministers need to do to better serve the kingdom and families. Does children and youth ministry need to be abandoned in favor of a different approach? In her post, Sarah quotes 2 youth minister voices.
- “The curtain must be pulled back if we are to keep young people involved in the church and if we are to renew our congregations we first must acknowledge that many of our current forms of youth ministry are destructive.” -Mark Yaconelli, co-director of the YouthMinistry and Spirituality Project (pro-youth ministry)
- “Youth ministry needs a revolution. It needs to be overthrown, retooled and reborn. The majority of what passes as youth ministry is organized babysitting: songs, games, a short devo and pizza afterward…yippee!” Greg Stier, Revolutionizing Youth Ministry (pro-youth ministry)
Sarah also went on to quote some facts about how college students and young adults are no longer following the Lord as if she was further instilling that youth ministry, as it is currently constituted, is not working. Although I have seen these stats before, I do not think they mean that youth ministry is ineffective. Rather, I think it further emphasizes that we are not investing in our young adults properly enough once our youth transition into a new stage in life. This emphasizes our need for further ministry, not a reduction of our children and youth work. It means that we have to further bridge the gap between youth and adulthood.
Mark and Greg are definitely right on with their comments! Children and Youth Ministry need to retool and promote a ministry standard that integrates the generations together rather than segregate them. We need to take a hard look at what we are doing and how we are making an impact for the Lord.
But does that mean we have to get rid of children and youth ministry all together? Does that mean we need to have youth and children sit in a service that can be very irrelevant to them? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Just because they were calling for those ministries to be retooled and revamped, doesn’t mean that Mark, Greg and other youth ministers are advocating for them to be abandoned. In fact, I would probably say that those quotes were taken out of context to support Sarah’s opt out reason. See, youth ministers don’t need parents to opt out of their ministries. They need parents like Sarah and others to OPT IN and speak into their lives to help them retool their ministries for the better. After all, those ministries exist to bring people into a relationship with Christ. You can’t argue that that is not a great cause.
I understand the reason why people may want to opt out of children and youth ministry. As a husband and father of 4 young children, you have to do what is best for your family. I get that. But opting out without being constructive is rarely a right plan of action. Instead of opting out, why not explain your convictions to your church’s leadership and see how the Lord uses that. That may or may not impact your conviction to opt out, but it may help the church better minister to families and help further the kingdom of God. Again, children and youth ministers need people to speak into their lives to help them see how they can better serve and minister.
Finally, I am very pleased that parents like Sarah are taking ownership for their children’s faith. Parents definitely need to take ownership for their children’s faith – no doubt about it. If youth ministers had more parents like Sarah doing that, our jobs may be extinct. But, unfortunately, majority of parents are not. That is why I like the family ministry approach. Mark DeVries and Reggie Joiner have great books on this approach. In fact, it is an approach that I am just starting to become familiar with and appreciate. I may be late to the game on this one, but I am excited about what I have been discovering and learning.
Children’s and Youth Ministry needs to be retooled and revitalized. DEFINITELY. But instead of abandoning, we need to recreate and redesign a ministry that our children through young adults can hear about the Lord and be impacted by. Going back to the 1920s, before youth and children’s ministry existed, doesn’t seem like a great option either. I believe that the best ministry to children, youth and families is yet to come AND if we have families who are willing to opt in, support and be constructive in feedback, we will discover a way (not a formula) to best serve them and further the kingdom of our Lord.
What do you all think? I’d love to have a healthy discussion going on about more effective approaches to doing ministry. After all, that is the main reason why I started this blog – to encourage healthy, effective ways to do ministry. So share a comment or thought so we can all benefit.
Great "rebuttal!" I still think we need to go back to the Word and honestly ask ourselves, is there a basis for the systematic, program of youth ministry.
I wonder if we are so accustomed to it that we don't dare consider that it really isn't a good idea – at least not the way we're doing it. If we want an outreach program to reach lost youth, then let's look at how we as a body of believers, families, can start reaching out. It is a gathering of young people – believers from within the church to fellowship? If that is the goal, then why have it as an established program with a paid youth minister (burden on the church financially) when people/families could be getting together for this fellowship. We don't need a program to make this happen. We don't need a youth minister teaching the word of God to our Christian youth, we need their fathers and the elders. Oh, they don't have a father that is doing the job? That's because we make it easy for them to abdicate their responsibility by providing a "professional" youth minister. The church should be admonishing fathers to do their job! (Those fathers that *are* doing a good job can also be reaching out to those who don't have fathers).
As for the lost youth, why are we integrating them with believers? I'm not saying we don't spend time with those who don't know they Lord (seriously, please don't think I mean that, I wholeheartedly believe we need to heed Jesus' call to the lost), but we shouldn't be yoking these teens together, which often times happens when they are in a setting week in and week out together.
This is never going to translate well over typed words! 🙂
I encourage you to read "Family Driven Faith" by Voddie Baucham
Thanks for your graciousness towards my post and for sharing this response!
Thanks Sarah for responding. However, I would say rebuttle is a strong word. I would say that you started a very healthy discussion on changes that need to happen for the future of youth ministry. Thank you for that and I hope/pray that God blesses you & your family. I pray that I am bold & strong enough to act on my convictions that the Lord lays on my heart for my family.
We left a Christian private school and started homeschooling for similar reasons. You often cannot change these established practices because most people LIKE them just the way they are. They do not see them as broke.
For example: Most people in today's world do not WANT to sit with their children in church. It "bothers" them or "distracts" them.
Separating youth into separate groups and having separate ministers than their parents just makes it HARDER for them to integrate into the church later.
Why should these kids that have never sat through a worship service suddenly want to start when they graduate? They never did before!
I applaud them as a family for modeling solid Christian family values and parental responsibility for others to see.
I've been trying to formulate my comment for well over an hour now… so I hope this comes out right. As a former children's worship leader and mentor at my church, I struggle with the decision for parents to opt to completely take their kids out of an environment that they might learn a little easier.
I guess the questions that I would have for anyone (because I'm not a parent… nor an expert in the field) is how can kids understand many of the deep issues that pastors discuss. What happens when a topic is discussed that isn't kid appropriate (do you just leave church then or simply not go that week?)
For me, high school youth group was integral in my life. Yes, I had bad experiences that shaped who I was… but if I had not been put in this environment, I would not have experienced things like seeing the mountains in Colorado for a youth retreat or being able to be in a small group with people that I still keep in touch with today (including my leaders!)
Yes, I think having relationships with people of ALL ages is necessary. And I couldn't agree more about having parents get involved in the youth groups/sunday schools/church camps with their kids.
Pingback: Tweets that mention Is Opting out of Youth Ministry the right choice? | Not A Mega Church? -- Topsy.com
Full disclosure: I'm a full-time staff at a church with avg attendance under 300 with responsibilities for children, youth, and college in a small town in the Bible belt. I have not read Sarah Mae's original post, only Tom's post and the following comments.
We are reading Think Orange as a youth team, and I am seeking God about what reaching the younger generations for the long-term means exactly for us. There is no doubt in my mind that the family was created by God long before the church (or the sons of Abraham in pre-Jesus times). But I think Voddie Baucham has gone too far to say that ministries organized by age are unbiblical. In my limited experience, if there are two extremes, the truth often lies somewhere in between.
I think that the Bible places the spiritual growth of young people squarely in the laps of the parents. But how is it unbiblical for all of us as the bride of Christ to help each other raise the next generation?
Now to logistics. My calling as a minister is very specifically in Eph 4:12. "Equip the saints to do the work of the ministry." I formerly believed that I was to equip children or youth or college students to develop their faith and to minister. But I am seeing statistics that suggest that the students who are following God in college and beyond are those whose families passed on the faith to them. So I am more effective if I help families "train up a child in the way he should go." I am now shifting to the question of how I can equip the families, both the parents and the students, to minister. It's all a bit new yet, but I feel God tugging me, so here we go.
I think, too, that families need that support. I think some parents have let themselves be too busy to come up with family devotions. But if I challenge them on the importance of Godtalks in the home and give them a suggested devo, am I not equipping them? Parenting is not innate. Parents need help. I can find them help. I can give them a suggested guide for raising their child in the faith. (See http://www.legacymilestones.com for an example.) I agree wholeheartedly that the average parent has outsourced the spiritual growth to an "expert" like me (and the idea of me being an expert is so very laughable!) and has been glad for that item to be off their plate. This is unbiblical, so how do we create a biblical model for our specific church that is organized and helpful and does what God wants?
We're still working on that. Thanks for the brain-food in this discussion. It sharpens my iron!
Ok, sorry. Here is the truth that many Christians hate to hear.
There is room for children to be taught by believers other than their own parents. This does not mean that parents should not be involved in their child's life, but rather that each part of the body of Christ has something different to offer the other members. If your child is an ear, and you are an eye, could not your child benefit from the wisdom that another "ear" might have to offer?
As someone who has worked with families for over a decade, here are some real truths…sorry, I know I am going to hurt feelings.
Most home school families are run by moms who want to control every aspect of their child's life. Often times it is the same families who opt for natural child birth as they want to control how the child comes out, and then every thing that they do afterwards.
When this happens they creates huge deficiencies in their child's life (yes, homeschooling is not the end all utopian society that it is touted as being). I cannot tell you how many of my homeschooling friends bagged their faith in college, gotten people pregnant, left their wives. This is not the result of some youth ministry. This is the product of one of the conservative homeschooling churches in our area. I know some of the families very well, and they love Jesus and want what is best for their kids. But they were so blinded to the planks in their own eyes that they could not see to remove the specks from their children's eyes.
These kids need to have other influences in their lives other than their families. I take my role as a father very seriously, but I love the fact that my kids come home from church singing songs about Jesus that other Christ-following adults have taught them. I can't tell you how proud of them I am when I hear Bible stories told to me that friends from church have acted out for them.
Bottom line, removing kids from youth ministry is the next step in controlling every aspect of your child's life. It does not work. We need to teach our kids how to live and make their own decisions while in a safe environment away from family as well as within the confines of the house, so that when they get older they will know how to choose wisely, and not just expect their domineering, fearful mother to do it for them.
Hard words make for soft people, soft words make hard people. Sorry, I have seen way to much stock put in these utopian ideals that don't work.
The end of it is, that we should love our kids, love your spouse, teach them to love Jesus ( leading by example), and to LOVE OTHERS and our kids will make it.
Any course of action that encourages and facilitates a believer or body of believers to abandon their brothers and sisters in Christ needs a real wake up call. No church is perfect, yet I really believe we're trying to move in that direction, always. We need each part to get there. If we simply "opt out," we leave no room for growth, only decline.
There may indeed be something wrong with a particular ministry form. Jump into it, engage the leadership and be a constructive piece of a very challenging puzzle. With God's grace, pride can fade away, for each side of the argument.
I'm likely just repeating your post in some fashion Tom. In any case, I find it frightening to consider a possible movement to "opt out" of ministry, any kind of ministry. As a pastor, I'm not working to run a program, I'm working to serve Christ as He has called me. The form comes and goes, the ministry must continue. To have my fellow believers opt out smacks of being abandoned, and that is never a good thing.
Boy, people really make a stretch when you talk about opting out of a program. I'm destroying my children or abandoning the body of Christ! 🙂
Haha Sarah, good response. Overall, I really appreciate you all sharing your thoughts. As much as this seems like a black and white issue, I would have to say that there is so much gray here.
I think that a key component I am hearing is a need for intergenerational ministry. I believe youth and children's ministry are great and when they first started they were intended for great reasons. However, over time, I think we have segregated our churches into youth church and adult church. That is probably part of the reason why so many of our young adults are no longer interested.
However, eliminating these programs all together and just having them sit in church is probably not a great option either. So what do you do?
I liked what Jason wrote about engaging the leadership of the church. Every church will be different and will serve to meet the needs of different people. That is why as members of the church, we need to go before them and discuss/have a conversation about how to best serve the body of Christ.
Again, as I said earlier, I think this is the start of a great conversation and I believe that it is our obligation to really look at this and see how we can better further God's Kingdom for our families and for each other.
Pingback: The Last Post: The Best of the Latest (#7) « Forming Faith Blog
yeah this is interesting…. youth ministry is not the end goal….. and the family is the primary spiritual leaders although parents will need help raising their teen(s) when difficulties come and the teen tries to land on his/her own identity.
Honestly I think youth ministry departments need to exist so they can come alongside families to help their student become fully devoted and functional people in the church/kingdom of God.
In my experience….. i have realized that teens are not always going to tell their parents/family everything. This is why it is so essential to have other adults involved in our teen's life. Parents only need to trust that other healthy adults have the authority and ability to speak Biblical truths in their son/daughter's life.
Sarah may want to really consider looking for youth ministries that are deeply family based.