“Growing With: Providing Real Answer to Parents’ Biggest Questions” Notes

These are my notes from the Deep Dive Session that Kara Powell led at NYWC ’19.

Struggle 1: Your child isn’t who you thought they would be.

Struggle 2: Your relationship with your child isn’t what you thought it would be.

Being seen is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are the same.

The fear is that as their kids grow up means that their families will grow apart.

Growing up doesn’t mean we have to grow apart. We can grow with our kids

Growing With: A mutual journey of intentional growth for both parents and our children to trust God to transform us all.

Three distinct phases:

Learners are typically ages 13-18

• They are experiencing rapid physical, emotional, relational, intellectual, and spiritual growth that inspires them to pursue new interests, friendships, and questions.

Explorers have left adolescence and are typically 18-23

• They often venture for the first time away from home or home-oriented routines to pursue their goals, relationships, and beliefs. Explorers tend to feel excited about the future yet still feel unsure about themselves.

Focusers are in their mid-to-late twenties.

• They are gaining a clearer sense of who they are; they have likely made educational, vocational, relational, and spiritual choices that set them on particular trajectories. These choices have opened up new opportunities and closed others. Some feel on tract with their life goals while others feel behind.

What does this have to do with parenting?

Learners need a parent who is a teacher.

Explorers need a parent who is a guide.

Focusers need a parent who is a resource.

How do we answer parents toughest questions about WITHING?

Withing = a family’s growth in supporting each other as children grow more independent.

THINK. Be a wall. How can a parent be a wall of UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT?

ASK. What would you change about my parenting?

ACT. New family time, and one on one time. Rhythms change, preferences change. How can you replace “family” time that has changed over the years?

Beware of showing favoritism. Facilitate sibling bonding. New connection through technology.

What if my child doesn’t want to spend time with me? Find things that your child is into and be apart of that – lean into their world.

How do we answer parents toughest questions about ADULTING?

Adulting = our child’s growth in agency as they embrace opportunities to shape the world around them.

THINK about what you care about most in your relationship long-term and how do you always keep that in mind.

ASK. What do we disagree with in what I’m saying? What do you agree with?

ACT. New connections to friends and people they are dating.

What do you do when you don’t like who they are dating?

• Is the concern justified?
• Do you need to get to know them better?
• When is a good time for you to talk about it?
• After you talk once, how can you be supportive?
• Is our kid open to talking to their good friends?

How do we answer parents toughest questions about FAITHING?

Faithing = owning and embodying our journeys with God as we encounter new experiences and information.

THINK about the power of suffering and other adults, in sparking faith. God uses that to bring people back to faith. It is also so important for students to have a team of adults around them. Leaders are matchmakers

ASK. What do you no longer believe that you think I still believe? What do you now believe that you think I don’t believe?  It is not doubt that’s toxic to faith. It’s silence.

ACT to foster your child’s unique faith journey. When do you feel closest to God?

YOUR TRAINING

• Not a parent? Create a parent support team
• Your ministry rhythms. Be mindful of parents. Send a parent resource.
• When parents are afraid…Parents are most open to training when they are afraid.

What stood out to you from this session from Kara Powell? Share your thoughts and experiences below or on social media using #ymsidekick when you share. 

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