Bridging the Gap

Over my 12 plus years in full-time youth ministry, I have encountered all sorts of highs and lows.  Of the many lows, the one that I have experienced to be most hurtful and harmful is the communication and relationship gap I have seen between parents and children.  As a parent of 4 young ones, I know that most parents do not actively seek to destroy their children in any way.  Although there are always a few bad seeds, I have seen so many great relationships between parent and child.  Nonetheless, it happens.  As I have been dealing with one closer to home lately, I have tried to examine what my role as a Youth Pastor is in this.

As I have been processing, I have come to the conclusion that as a Youth Program we have to address this communication gap between parents and children.  I know that we are not the savior here and by addressing this potential gap as there will still be miscommunication and problems between children and their parents.  But, like a previous resolved issue I had with not talking about the sex and dating topics, if we fail to address this and offer ways to help and encourage, I believe we are doing a disservice to those in our church and outside of it as well.

So, I am now brainstorming ways to bridge the gap between parents and teens.  One of the things we are going to do is to address this gap at one of our Sunday Night gatherings in January.  It goes along with a Series Katie came up with and we’ve entitled it “What Parents and Teens wish each other knew”. As Katie and I are just beginning to plan it out, one of the parts that I would like to see happen is that we give the parents and teens (who come together to this event) an opportunity to talk about life and what is going on.  I know this doesn’t sound “life-changing” or “new”, but in my area (Northern VA), people are extremely busy.  Parents work 2 jobs or the mom and dad both work full-time.  Students play in sports, involved in clubs, play in the school band or do all 3.  It is a busy lifestyle here which means that parents and teens do not get an opportunity to just sit down and talk anymore which could cause a possible communication gap between the two parties.

A few months ago, I asked a parent of 4 whose children are all high school and older how she survived the teenage years without her children getting into a bad crowd or in trouble with the school or the law.  She said that one of the key things they did as a family was to have dinner together each night.  What a novel concept – have dinner together as a family!!  Just kidding, but seriously, a simple thing like having dinner together opened the door for them to talk and stay involved in each others lives. I think by giving students and their parents an opportunity to talk, especially if they are not talking at home, helps them bridge that gap between them.

Now, this is just 1 idea that I had and am still thinking through what else we can offer parents and teens.  But what about you?  What are you doing or can you do to bridge this gap?

TAKE A MINUTE and…

1. Brainstorm ways you can help teens and parents bridge the relationship and communication gap.  What are things you have tried or heard that works?  Talk to other youth ministers and see if they have any ideas and/or if there is a way you all can do an event together.
2. Talk to some of your students and parents and see what are things they need and would like to see you do as a Youth Minister (please note, just because they believe you should do x,y and z does not mean you have to do x,y and z).  By you doing this, it gives you a pulse of where your parents and students are in regards to this issue.

If you have an idea that you have seen work, please post it as a way to encourage others bridge this gap.