Lessons from Vacation #2: Win before you Lose

A few weeks ago, I went to the beach with my girls for some vacation time.  While I was there I learned a few things such as keeping things simple.

As my girls have gotten older, one of the things I try to do at the beach was to do some reading.  Please note, the key word is “try”.  With 4 children it’s hard to do much of anything really other than what they are wanting to do, but alas I did read a few blog posts and articles.

UnknownOne article that caught my eye was in the Huffington Post.  It was called “3 signs your wife will cheat on you”.  I know, I know great reading Tom!  However, it caught my eye because I am divorced and although it wasn’t all because she cheated on me, I was very interested to see what the Huffington Post had to say about it.

They said the 3 signs you wife will cheat on you are because of:

  1. Lack of Quality Time
  2. Inability to Resolve Conflict
  3. Lack of Attention

These sound very similar to some of the 5 Love Languages, don’t you think?

After reading the article, I think these 3 signs are spot on and, frankly, all ministers need to be aware of this.  I believe that numbers 1 and 3 are areas where ministers in particular are really susceptible.  Why?  Because we spend so much time and energy on making our ministries successful that when we get home we are too tired and interested to invest in our own family.

So what can we learn from this?  I think we can all learn by just asking these 3 questions:

  1. Am I spending enough time with my wife and children?  How so and what adjustments do I need to make?
  2. Am I resolving conflicts or just sweeping them under the rug?  What can I do differently to make the adjustments?
  3. Am I too focused on my ministry and not focused enough on my wife and children?  What adjustments do I need to make in my work schedule to have my balance in my life?

Please don’t answer just answer these nonchalantly.  I know no one wants to think about their marriage ending, especially because of an affair, but honestly, if you don’t take serious your marriage and your family, it will be gone from you, whether its your choice or not.

What do you think? Do you think this article is true?  And, what can we do to win in our marriages before we lose them?

I would love to hear your thoughts on these.

Tom Pounder

A father of 4, Tom is the Online Campus Pastor as well as Social Media Director at New Life Christian Church in Chantilly, VA. He blogs, vlogs, periscopes and podcasts regularly about student and online ministry stuff. Check out his work at YMSidekick.com and on iTunes (search YMSidekick).

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